We’ve gone to a land down under

Feels like vacation, but not. We haven’t been able to do much vacation type activities because we’re not on vacation, but my brain won’t accept that this is permanent. It’s gorgeous here. I want to be on vacation. I also want to go home in a week, when the vacation is over. This time and space is always strange. The adjustment period. Where everything is new and unfamiliar. Where things slowly begin to focus, and you can start to put pieces in their place. Finding your way, getting used to whats available in the local shops, driving on the left, the new social norms. I know that one day these will be second nature and comfortable, but until then I’m in the adjustment period. This time is uncomfortable and challenging. I know it’s good for me. I’ve done this enough to be okay with it. I’m interested to see how the kids do. So far, not bad. But they are in vacation mode. School will start soon, we’ll move into a home that is more permanent. I pray it is smooth for them and that this is will be an experience that shapes who they are for the better.

Yesterday we attended The Street Church. Amazing how Jesus can make anywhere feel like home.

Hey Stranger

So, here I am. Back at the blog thing. Documenting our new adventures. Three years ago we took a leap and moved from Los Angeles, CA to Spokane, WA. I thought that was a big deal. It was fast too. From decision time to move day, about 3 months. Annnnnnnndd here I am again. This time the move is from Spokane, WA to Wellington, New Zealand. HUGE! The move is also taking place about 3 months after the decision. So much to do, so much to decide. The kids are sad but mostly handling it well.  Of course they have no idea what lies ahead. Neither do I.

Soft

Recently I have been keenly aware of how little I have “suffered” in this life. My current life circumstances are such that every day tasks feel difficult.  Going anywhere, trying to preform the most simple tasks require so much effort.  There is a sense of constant “doing,” and yet very little is actually done. And in this state I hear my inner voice grumbling and occasionally crying. Then I take a step back and realize how easy my life truly is. So that leads me to the conclusion that my life has been so easy any difficulty feels hard or overwhelming. I hate to admit this about myself. I almost deleted this post in case anyone reads it and finds out how soft I am. Good grief, get me to the psychoanalyst’s stat!

Good run

Today the 5:30 am run lost. But I did get on the treadmill this afternoon after much debating and many interruptions. With a good result though, so I am glad I did it. Ran 5 miles in 43 minutes flat. I’m trying not to have a time goal for the race on Saturday. I just want this to be getting back into running races again. Still, I find myself thinking about how fast I can run it, could I do in under 54? I doubt it so I am trying not to think about it. Running has been such a good release for me. A distraction even from my daily “to do” list. The exertion is good for me, the endorphins are much needed recently as well. Right now, running is my only way of staying attached to reality.

Love/Loath

I have a love/loath relationship with the 5:30am run. On one hand it’s quite, relatively, seeing as I live in a fairly big city. It’s over with early. I get a head start to the day. I get to run outside instead of on the treadmill. I have “free time” during the babies naps. On the flip side, it’s SO early and so cold and my bed is so warm. I’m by three o’clock I am pretty tired… unless I can sneak a nap in while the babies are napping. I’m always glad I did it when I do it, it’s just so hard to make myself go. THe conversation in my head at 5:30 goes through this list and then some. I the running usually looses because I am weak. Yesterday running won and I had a magnificent day. Today running lost and I feel cruddy. I want to do a temp run tomorrow, which is easier on the treadmill… but will I be able to do it at 5:30?

Up and Running

Really getting back into the groove of running. Enjoying it all. The dead leg runs and the euphoric runs. My fantasy is having a coach that would train me to get faster and stronger. The first of many races begins next Saturday. I am very excited. I’m trying to get some friends to run as well. Running has been and continues be a cathartic experience for me. Not sure what state I would be in if I didn’t run.

2010 in review aka I stink at blogging

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Minty-Fresh™.

Crunchy numbers

The Leaning Tower of Pisa has 296 steps to reach the top. This blog was viewed about 1,200 times in 2010. If those were steps, it would have climbed the Leaning Tower of Pisa 4 times

 

In 2010, there were 2 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 210 posts.

The busiest day of the year was November 18th with 19 views. The most popular post that day was Two by two.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were blog.allyzabba.com, skirball.org, markmiller5.typepad.com, my.yahoo.com, and gysenfam.wordpress.com.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for rick astley, festivus, sweet girls, my family, and animals giving birth.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

Two by two August 2008
2 comments

2

Tee Hee December 2007
3 comments

3

It’s that time… November 2007
2 comments

4

Lost August 2010
6 comments

5

What did the camel say to the scribe? July 2008
10 comments

Jumping in

It’s far too labor intensive for me to catch up or try to fill in the gaps, so I’m just going to jump in, when and where I can.

Daylight Savings Time ends today and it causes me grief. Do we not have access to electricity? Why do we need to continue this archaic tradition?

And I’m out!

Lost

Almost a year has gone by since I’ve been here. Eleven months, not even a whole year, and my whole world is a different place. A very unfamiliar place. I feel like I’m in some else’s life. Not to take away from the joy and blessing of my sweet babies, but I am very lost. I know I will get my “sea legs” and life will be more steady then, but for now it’s very turbulent. So much has happened and it seems like I was barely a part of it. I am watching my life happen and not participating. Maybe this is why God allowed our long-term memory not to develop until we are a little older.  So that my babies will not be permanently damaged… yet.  But Emma.  She’s going to have a lot of fodder for her therapist.

I feel like I need this space right now.  This place to muse and ponder.  I need to get the muddling out of my brain and put it somewhere I can examine it.  Most will be unclear, but maybe as I wade through it I’ll be able to collect the pieces and put myself together again.

This all sounds so much more morose than I intend… intentions…. now there is another bomb shell for another day, until then, this has been a good start.

Inconceivable

I’ve learned many a lesson in the midst of all my child-bearing/inability to bear children.  I WANT CONTROL.  I want control so bad my mind reaches a state of utter chaos when I perceive that I am out of control.  Because I know, in some far reach of my brain that I am not in control.  I know that, every God fearing believer knows that.  But I don’t live that.  Not hardly.

This is none so clear as in my life with children.  When I was fairly uninterested in having children and taking precautions against pregnancy, I conceived a beautiful baby girl.  My response was terror.  This wasn’t my plan.  This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen.

Two years later, my hearts desire was to conceive another child.  It didn’t happen, after months and years it didn’t happen.  Again I responded with terror.  This wasn’t MY plan, This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen.

So I changed MY plans, we would adopt.  We went through the whole messy business and right there, I get pregnant.  Terror, this wasn’t my plan, this wasn’t supposed to happen.

I have given up planning but I still want some control and God is prying my fingers from that need one finger at a time.

Because I have conceived again, and well, I’m responding with a bit of terror.  This wasn’t my plan.  This wasn’t supposed to happen.  But I rejoice that despite my lack of faith and trust God continues to bless us.

“Inconceivable!”

“You keep using that word.  I do not think it means what you think it means.”

No matter how I fight it, it’s happening!

Meet Davies baby #3, coming Feb. 2010.