Almost a year has gone by since I’ve been here. Eleven months, not even a whole year, and my whole world is a different place. A very unfamiliar place. I feel like I’m in some else’s life. Not to take away from the joy and blessing of my sweet babies, but I am very lost. I know I will get my “sea legs” and life will be more steady then, but for now it’s very turbulent. So much has happened and it seems like I was barely a part of it. I am watching my life happen and not participating. Maybe this is why God allowed our long-term memory not to develop until we are a little older. So that my babies will not be permanently damaged… yet. But Emma. She’s going to have a lot of fodder for her therapist.
I feel like I need this space right now. This place to muse and ponder. I need to get the muddling out of my brain and put it somewhere I can examine it. Most will be unclear, but maybe as I wade through it I’ll be able to collect the pieces and put myself together again.
This all sounds so much more morose than I intend… intentions…. now there is another bomb shell for another day, until then, this has been a good start.