Lost

Almost a year has gone by since I’ve been here. Eleven months, not even a whole year, and my whole world is a different place. A very unfamiliar place. I feel like I’m in some else’s life. Not to take away from the joy and blessing of my sweet babies, but I am very lost. I know I will get my “sea legs” and life will be more steady then, but for now it’s very turbulent. So much has happened and it seems like I was barely a part of it. I am watching my life happen and not participating. Maybe this is why God allowed our long-term memory not to develop until we are a little older.  So that my babies will not be permanently damaged… yet.  But Emma.  She’s going to have a lot of fodder for her therapist.

I feel like I need this space right now.  This place to muse and ponder.  I need to get the muddling out of my brain and put it somewhere I can examine it.  Most will be unclear, but maybe as I wade through it I’ll be able to collect the pieces and put myself together again.

This all sounds so much more morose than I intend… intentions…. now there is another bomb shell for another day, until then, this has been a good start.

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7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Leanne
    Aug 16, 2010 @ 06:56:39

    Laura, I’m so glad to see you blogging again. I’ve missed you! And blogging IS such a good place for confession and processing stuff.

    A little encouragement: you are not alone. Dave and I frequently refer to those years when our babies were young as the “Blackout Years.” They’re hard. And you have two babies how close together? Give yourself some grace. And don’t worry about Emma. Love covers over a multitude of sins. Who of us doesn’t leave childhood with a few wounds? You don’t have to be the perfect mother, just “good enough.”

    Hang in there.

    Reply

  2. Jill
    Aug 16, 2010 @ 14:00:08

    i am glad that you are back. you are doing a great job of mothering your family. they know they are loved and they are well cared for. they are happy and content. what more could a kid want. all the other stuff they wont remember.

    Reply

  3. mary
    Aug 16, 2010 @ 18:35:33

    love that you’re back… and LOVE that i’ll be seeing you tomorrow. you’re not alone, my friend!

    Reply

  4. Jenny
    Aug 23, 2010 @ 18:35:27

    Yay!!! YAhooooo!!!!! Even if I can’t find your house, I can find your blog! I love you!!

    Reply

  5. Trackback: 2010 in review aka I stink at blogging « BLISStered

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