I’ve learned many a lesson in the midst of all my child-bearing/inability to bear children. I WANT CONTROL. I want control so bad my mind reaches a state of utter chaos when I perceive that I am out of control. Because I know, in some far reach of my brain that I am not in control. I know that, every God fearing believer knows that. But I don’t live that. Not hardly.
This is none so clear as in my life with children. When I was fairly uninterested in having children and taking precautions against pregnancy, I conceived a beautiful baby girl. My response was terror. This wasn’t my plan. This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen.
Two years later, my hearts desire was to conceive another child. It didn’t happen, after months and years it didn’t happen. Again I responded with terror. This wasn’t MY plan, This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen.
So I changed MY plans, we would adopt. We went through the whole messy business and right there, I get pregnant. Terror, this wasn’t my plan, this wasn’t supposed to happen.
I have given up planning but I still want some control and God is prying my fingers from that need one finger at a time.
Because I have conceived again, and well, I’m responding with a bit of terror. This wasn’t my plan. This wasn’t supposed to happen. But I rejoice that despite my lack of faith and trust God continues to bless us.
“Inconceivable!”
“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
No matter how I fight it, it’s happening!
Meet Davies baby #3, coming Feb. 2010.
September 7, 2009 at 9:47pm09
yippee!! God’s plan is perfect. we are so excited for all of you! =)
September 7, 2009 at 9:47pm09
Laura…
Your words about control certainly resonate with me…but I rejoice in baby Davies #3!
Blessings to you as another little person has the privilege of growing in your womb!!
Lot’s of love,
Christina
September 7, 2009 at 9:47pm09
Ooooohhh!!! SOOOOOO exciting!!! What a fun post to read. =) I know the excitement will grow and grow for you. 3 kids is really so much fun too. =)
And it’s such a consolation (at least in my mind) that God knew this little baby was coming since before time began. It’s no surprise to Him. More of an “of course, there will be 3 little Davieses!” =)
Excited to meet the new one via your blog. =)
September 8, 2009 at 9:47pm09
OH MY!!!! That’s amazing and soooooo wonderful! I can’t believe it, actually… I am so excited for you all and for the newest little member of your family to arrive! How incredibly awesome… God is!
September 10, 2009 at 9:47am09
Oh, Laura! My warmest congratulations. Wonderful news.
I hear you on the control thing – when will we learn that even the idea of being in control is an illusion?!
September 10, 2009 at 9:47pm09
brilliant post, lola! i just want to hug you. and rub your belly.
September 15, 2009 at 9:47pm09
Laura, congrats! So happy for you guys. Isn’t God awesome!!
September 25, 2009 at 9:47am09
Yay for another niece for me to love. Can’t wait to meet her. I just keep thinking how much God has blessed your life and how life isn’t all that you had planned. I too, have issues with trying to be in control of my everything. I think we all have some degree of trying to have control our lives. I know that is true for T and I. You blog made me now only happy but to rethink about how I’m to do life God’s ways not my way. Love you!